วันอาทิตย์ที่ 23 กันยายน พ.ศ. 2555

Review of the Third Chapter - Life 50 - 75

IP is over the quota
IP is over the quota

As a sometime career consultant, I continue to search for a book targeting people at mid-life. This book seems to be about preparing for the years just past midlife, which Mary Pipher characterizes as the "young old."

As I've noted in reviewing other books, I often think it's impossible to write a really helpful book about this stage of life because (a) there just aren't a lot of choices for everyone and (b) there's such a variety of people, health levels, skills, aptitudes, background and more. Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot deals with (b) by focusing on a small slice of the population: educated, healthy people without financial worries. Within that group, she finds common patterns: a yearning for something that can't always be named, a resistance to change (possibly because successful people tend to resist changing a cherished identity) and finally a learning that differs from previous classroom experiences.

It is insights like this one that led me to give the book a 4-star rating rather than 3-star. I agree with reviewers who complained about the length of interviews, details of subjects' lives and narrowness of subject range. I also agree that the book doesn't present as many original ideas and frameworks as readers might expect from extensive research. But as a former academic myself, I think it's appropriate to work with a narrow sample, as long as you make it clear upfront, preferably in the book's title. There's value in asking explicitly, "If money were no object, how would people choose to enter their sixties and seventies?" At the same time, these people are insulated from many consequences of aging.

I also liked the author's review of the way the notions of aging and retirement have changed. I would have liked to see more on this topic. When I lived in New Mexico I met people who lived in those "55 and up" communities, including one woman who took care of her aging parents. When her mom died, she was in her early fifties: too young, according to the community. I also met people who wondered why I didn't want to live with my age-mates, an idea that makes me feel suffocated. It's good to have the historical perspective.

The best part of the book was the author's interview with economist Matthew Gladstone. Gladstone's perspective makes sense, possibly because I have a b-school background and enjoyed my economics courses. Gladstone suggests that as we continue doing work, the law of diminishing returns sets in. If I understand him correctly, I believe he might suggest that a successful lawyer might get enormous joy out of winning her first case, then her second...but at some point, she will be less joyful. It's like eating a meal when you're hungry; as you start feeling satisfied you don't enjoy the food as much.

I think we could extend economic thinking even further. When you reach a certain age, you certainly can invest whatever time, energy and money you have to learn something new or start a new venture. But your ROI - return on investment - will be limited. You might write one novel and maybe you will even sell it, but you won't have time to go on and write a series that would bring you the real rewards that come to authors after a long career.

I don't agree that the book reads like an academic article or a dissertation, having seen too many examples of the real thing. In fact, I think the book would be stronger if the author had introduced more sociological concepts to frame many examples. For instance, the interviewees made transitions from high-level professional or organizational settings to a more right-brained, artistic and/or spiritual focus. I know many people who never want to stop working. Volunteer work and the arts will never be enough for them (and I feel that way myself). The author notes that one interviewee, Pamela, feels frustrated because there are structural and institutional limits to her contribution. Yet anyone over 50 who wants to continue earning money faces much bigger challenges.

Finally, I admit to being jealous of those who found their new artistic callings. I wish I'd thought of singing lessons, but suspect I will still be advised to tap along to the songs rather than try to sing them. Over the past ten years, I've taken pottery classes in two different states. Each time I had less talent than anyone in the class. It was fun, though, and I just resumed. This time I decided to take on throwing. I still have less talent than anyone and I also have sore deltoids in my left arm. Still, I resonate to the experience of the interviewee, Josh, with learning the piano: trying to aim for a higher level does bring psychic rewards

To get a different perspective on preparing for the aging process, subscribe to the free 12-session Mid-Life Career Strategy Ecourse: Mid-Life Career Strategy Ecourse. Discover why midlife career change often fails and how you can make it work. From Cathy Goodwin, Ph.D. Mid-Life Career Consulting.




วันเสาร์ที่ 8 กันยายน พ.ศ. 2555

Book Review - 'The Five Love Languages' By Dr Gary Chapman

AppId is over the quota
AppId is over the quota

When I first looked at the book cover I thought 'Oh wow, this looks a bit too sweet for me' but I still bought it as it came recommended by one of my clients as a good and interesting read. This is now many years ago and I have since used ideas from this book with every couple that comes to work with me.

Summary

After many years of counselling, Dr. Chapman realized that individuals had different ways in which they showed love to another person and, for whatever reason, they are usually drawn to someone showing it in a different way. He came up with five basic categories: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.

More in details

This book explains the different love languages (categories) in detail, how to discover your primary love language and talks about what happens through the different stages of a relationship.

Dr. Gary Chapman injects his explanations with many stories of people who attended his seminars and who, using the theory of 'The Five Love Languages', have changed the level of satisfaction in their relationship or marriage significantly.

I specifically liked his theory of the love tank and the idea that we pay with the currency of our primary love language whereby the account of the receiver might prefer another currency. He suggests also that couples play a game where one partner asks the other: 'What could I do today that would make your love tank rise?' By taking responsibility for your own needs and likes and stating what that would be you allow your partner to collect more and more ideas about how to make the most effective payments into your emotional love tank.

If you now are curious about which one your primary love language is: There is a test at the end of the book, both for him and for her.

About the author

Dr. Gary Chapman is a pastor, speaker and author. He teaches his 'Five Love Languages' and speaks about marriage, family and relationship, throughout the States and also internationally. He has written over thirty books and created five video programs.

'The Five Love Languages' was published in 1992 and since then has been translated into more than forty different languages. This book has sold over five million copies making it a perennial New York Times bestseller.

Recommendation

More than the number of books sold is the effect this has had on so many couples I've been working with. This book is simple to read for both husband and wife and has practical tips on how to make your relationship more satisfying and happy. This is basic knowledge for any couple, married or not.

Want to know more? Have a look at my blog.

Nathalie Himmelrich is the founder of 'Reach for the Sky Therapy' on Sydney's Northern Beaches and specialises in 'relationship related issues'. She is working with individuals and couples using techniques ranging from Counselling, Neuro Linguistic Programming to Journey Therapy. She supports clients in their personal growth in a supportive and professional environment.

Visit my website: http://www.reachforthesky.com.au/ or visit my blog: http://reachforthesky.wordpress.com/ and sign up for our newsletter today.